One of the great joys of being a parent is seeing the formation of our children as they grow up. And they are often formed by what they see. They love imitating what they’ve observed in their parents. They enjoy acting out scenes and situations they’ve seen before. But in our increasingly digitalized life, our children’s gaze is also increasingly fixated on the screens of phones and tablets. And where their eyes look to, there their hearts will be also.
Screen time can be helpful. It keeps our children occupied, giving us a break to catch up on other work or to catch a breath. But if we are not careful, the screen can also entrap their minds, capture their hearts and format their thoughts. It teaches them that constant stimulation is better than stillness, silence or imagination. Shorter and louder messages trump deep critical contemplation and sustained thinking. Filtered, glamourized, well-liked snippets of life on digital media are more authentic than real life with its share of suffering, disappointments and complexities.
It becomes evident that the screen has taken hold of our children when we attempt to take it away from their little hands. The violent outbursts. The screaming and breakdowns. Removing the screen can feel like a fight.
where their eyes look to, there their hearts will be also
This is not an overstatement. In his book Habits of the Household, Justin Whitmel Earley describes this as ‘a fight for formation’. The screen relentlessly tries to form our children. But God’s word instructs us to “not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our mind” (Rom 12:2). Our efforts to control our children’s screentime are more than about physical or mental health, it is for their spiritual health and formation.
And the good news is, under God’s grace and strengthened by his Spirit, there are some small practical habits we can practise daily to turn the tide of the battle.
Get Off Our Phones: If our children look up and constantly see the backs of our phones, they learn that the digital world matters more than the physical one. Resist notifications during family time, make eye contact in a conversation. Replacing your morning digital scroll with personal Bible reading shows them the spiritual world matters too.
Set More Screen Free Time: Let our kids feel bored! It is a necessary catalyst for creativity, deep thinking and problem-solving. Allow space for quiet reflection, observation and creation. Stock books, games and puzzles, instruments and outdoor gear around your living area. Coordinate screen-free playdates with others at church. Have fun outside in nature.
Be Present During Screen Time: Watch with your kids. Choose quality content that expands their imagination or educates the mind. Chatting with them about what they watch is a great discipleship opportunity.
Through small, daily acts of faithfulness, we can guide our children to anchor their minds and hearts on the beautiful truth of who they are in Jesus.
